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Yellow light wrapped me up like a hug from a friend on a summer Sunday morning. In a big, warm gulp, it swallowed me whole.

Clouds cuddled around me and the river swirled and swayed. Specks of light danced on top. Time floated by. In that moment, the world held me tight.

I sat on the shore and watched the leaves play. They took turns, falling, going, flowing with the water below. One by one, they carried on and took my thoughts. Passengers with no place to go.

I wanted to stay there forever, with the soothing sounds and colors and shapes, but I fell back to reality. my therapist pulled me out.

I pulled my eyes open and the world blurred back into focus. The light was whiter here. I was cold.

I sat criss cross at my desk under a big furry blanket. My eyes drifted back to the Zoom call on my screen with my therapist on the other side. We resumed our session. Her in her office, me in mine.

I told her about the place with the long, yellow light and how it calmed my chills and took away the tightness. I told her about the view I had, all the way up, and how I felt so rooted the entire time. I told her about the stillness. The serenity. The silence. I told her how it felt to remember these feelings, like a 90’s kid in a blockbuster store.

Then I told her about the last few weeks.

I told her about the stress and overwhelm that showed up daily. How the timer always ran out when I was picking up speed. The tension that consumed me as I went through my Dad’s things and sold his house. The exhaustion I lived in from painting for hours after a long day of work and a few hours of writing and 17 calls, with an entire to-do list still left to go.

I told her about how I swam in disappointment when I missed my workouts and morning walks and when I ate crappy food out of convenience because why the heck not. I told her about the guilt I had for not staying in touch with anybody, even though I could barely keep my own head above the water.

She asked, “when you think about all of that, what do you need to hear?”

Without any hesitation, I spit out the words slow down.

For a while, she repeated those words as I drifted off to the land of the yellow light.

Slow down. Slow down. Slow down.

Seven days later, the amber sunrise light hung through my window with the same slant and weight of those words in our session that day. Slowwww downnnnn spelled out in the gauzy drapes of my brand new bedroom. I rubbed my eyes, stretched out my body, and let out a soft smiled sigh as I gazed out the window and listened to the rumble of this unfamiliar place.

It was my first real morning in my new house by the river. I didn’t sleep great, but somehow, even among the boxes and all of the space that had yet to be filled, I felt some stillness like the place with the yellow light.

This time, the light tickled my skin and a sea of blankets carried me. Orange leaves fell from the trees outside my window and the creamy white walls embraced me.

I might have made my first mortgage payment one day late, but the world drenched in golden light was still all mine. A haven among the chaos. A break from all the stress.

I stayed there for a while. My breath slowed with the beat of my heart. I snuggled into the silence.

No place to go but here.

I have a loooot of moving and settling in to do, but here's a glimpse at my room with the yellow light :)

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your daily pick me up

That call with my therapist turned out to be a 30 minute guided meditation that snapped me out of a reactive, hyper-stressed state that I was living in. At the time, I didn't have my place with the golden light, but I did have that. I could make my own space, my own stillness, my own golden light. Our session that day reminded me that I can access that at any time. I can choose to slow down, breathe, and de-stress, even if it's just for a few minutes a day. You can, too. Here's a 10 minute meditation by Jay Shetty that you can start with.

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Repeat after me...

Say this affirmation out loud in the mirror 10 times every day. Write it in your journal over and over. Visualize it before bed. Feel it. Believe it.

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What I’m loving

Liquid Death sparkling waters and teas have been a favorite of mine for a while (they make an excellent afternoon pick me up or soda alternative) and I just recently tried the Rest in Peach flavor and loooooved it. It might not be summer in the northern hemisphere anymore, but these sure make it feel like it! 10/10 recommend.

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Have a great Friday and weekend ahead, Reader. And please remember to slow down. I promise you'll be better because of it.

💕 Morgan

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